A Remarkable Orthodox Rabbi’s Remarkable Essay
I’m always glad to draw attention to prominent Jewish leaders when they speak positively about interfaith families. This essay, by an Orthodox rabbi, in the National Catholic Reporter of all places, is just remarkable: “I’m a rabbi raised by a Christian mother. We need religious diversity now more than ever.”
Rabbi Dr. Shmuly Yanklowitz, a truly inspiring leader, has this to say:
Critics point to the 72% interfaith marriage rate among non-Orthodox Jews …, as a sign of cultural crisis. Yet my personal experience offers a different narrative, one of spiritual enrichment through dual heritage. Growing up with a Christian mother while embracing Jewish Orthodoxy in adulthood taught me that religious conviction and pluralistic engagement are not mutually exclusive….
Interfaith families, where traditions often intertwine, can discover consequential ways to celebrate both heritages without erasing their unique identities.
A Powerful Statement by an Interfaith Mom Demanding Inclusion
I’m also always glad to draw attention to statements by partners in interfaith relationships who speak out strongly in favor of inclusion. 18Doors’ weekly email newsletter this past week featured “Say Yes to Interfaith Families” by Susanna Perrett, a self-described “partner who is not Jewish, raising a Jewish family,” who says,
In the eyes of the Jewish community there is a lot of hand wringing about the status of interfaith couples. What to do about the problem of intermarried couples? The subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle current of isolation that I have felt as an intermarried couple is significant. I always know I am not quite as equal as the in-married couples. I am struck by double standard of inclusion as I watch my Jewish community fight against intolerance in the outside world. Do as we say, not as we do.
A very good friend of mine reminded me that I am a guest in their house, and that I should try to not cause problems. I am left to wonder, do we want interfaith families to feel like guests or like full participants in Jewish life?
It is my belief that religion is about behaving well and treating other people with kindness, compassion and love. It is very hard for me to reconcile the conflict within the Jewish community about who is and is not considered Jewish. While I understand the halachah (Jewish law) on the topic, I often wonder, is that more important than kindness, compassion and love?
Birthright Israel Gets the Messaging Right
At times in the past, I’ve criticized Birthright Israel, and the Jewish media, for touting the program’s impact in decreasing interfaith marriage. That message would deter children of intermarried parents – an applicant pool Birthright needs to reach – when the more important impact is to increase the likelihood of future Jewish engagement regardless of who the trip participants marry. That’s why this piece by Elias Saratovsky, president and CEO of the Birthright Israel Foundation, is excellent.
The lesson Saratovsky draws from the latest survey of the impact of Birthright Israel trips (discussed in our February eNewsletter) is not that fewer participants intermarry, but rather that more of them “instill Jewish pride and identity in their children” “regardless of their spouse’s background.” Noting that more of those children get Jewish education, become b mitzah, and go to Jewish camp, he says those are the results that promote Birthright’s value. This is a very welcome change of emphasis; this and this article on the survey are also good in this respect.
Does This Include Interfaith Families?
Sometimes Jewish leaders say things that sound great but don’t explicitly refer to interfaith families, leaving me wondering if they are included. That was the case with this interesting comment in an eJP piece by Yona Shem-Tov, CEO of Encounter, about reimagining Jewish citizenship and Jewish civics education:
[N]o meaningful engagement with Israel or Jewish life itself can ignore the importance of internal Jewish pluralism. Jewish civilization has always been defined by a diversity of thought and practice. Strengthening Jewish peoplehood requires fostering a culture that respects and embraces different approaches to Jewish identity, ensuring that ideological and religious differences are a source of richness rather than division.
Data
The Pew Research Center released its third Religious Landscape Study. Given that Jews make up only 2% of Americans, most of the massive study is about other religions. But the section on Religious Intermarriage is still filled with interesting data.
- Compared to Mormons (87%), Protestants (81%), Catholics (75%) and the religiously unaffiliated (68%), Jews are the least likely, at 65%, to have a spouse of the same religion. Of their 35% of spouses of different religions, 15% are religiously unaffiliated, 11% are Catholic, and 7% are Protestant.
- People who identify with the same religion as their spouse tend to have higher levels of religiousness than people married to someone of a different religion, but that doesn’t mean that interfaith marriage causes people to become less religious; it could be that less religious people are more inclined to intermarry.
- Other findings relate to similarities in religious views, in the importance of religion, and frequency of religious discussions.
(On the lighter side, here’s DatingNews.com’s take on the study: Rising Interfaith Marriages Drive Demand for Diverse Dating Platforms.)
Another part of the study addresses religious “switching” including into and out of Judaism (covered by the Jerusalem Post).
- Among Americans raised Jewish, 76% are still Jewish; comparable retention rates are 77% for American Muslims and 73% for American Christians. Of those no longer Jewish, 17% are religiously unaffiliated, 2% identify as Christian and 1% as Muslim; 4% identify with another religion or didn’t answer. (Note this study reports on those who say their religion is Judaism; it does not include those who identify as Jewish but not by religion.)
- Among Jewish adults in the US, 14% converted in to Judaism.
The St. Louis federation and the Cohen Center released their 2024 local Jewish community study, covered in the St. Louis Jewish Light. I quickly noted that the individual intermarriage rate (i.e., the proportion of Jewish adults with a spouse who is not Jewish) is 53%, higher than the national average of 42%, as well as this open-ended comment (at p. 154):
Not nearly enough resources or connections or community for intermarried families—we don’t fit in anywhere. Because I am married to a non-Jew, despite trying to be involved in many Jewish organizations, I always feel like an outsider, like I’m less-than.
In Other News
- JTA’s Philissa Cramer writes in “Kitty Dukakis, dead at 88, was the first Jewish spouse of a US presidential candidate” that the Colorado Jewish newspaper in 1988 questioned what kind of role model she would be for Jewish children given her interfaith marriage. Like Doug Emhoff, the second Jewish spouse of a presidential candidate, she said she “engaged more with her Jewish identity because of her marriage than she might have without it.”
- “Orange for Hope: Finding Strength in the Fight for Jewish Identity” is a very interesting story about Jewish identity and efforts to liberate Israelis from restrictions of the Orthodox Rabbinate.
- The Guardian ran a very nice story about the First United Methodist church in Pasadena is now hosting the Pasadena Jewish Temple and Center, whose building was destroyed in the LA fires, as well as an outpost of the Islamic Center of Southern California.
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