I don’t need to tell you that there is an awful lot going on in the world that demands attention.
In the Jewish world, most of the attention understandably continues to focus on Israel/Iran/Palestine/Gaza and on antisemitism.
I can’t help but feel that in the Jewish world, almost no one wants to talk about engaging interfaith families. It may be lack of bandwidth – but I think there’s more to it. And it’s especially problematic at this time, when uncertainty about the ongoing status of 18Doors demands, in my opinion, a concerted effort to engage interfaith families.
This month there was one bright development, a panel discussion devoted to interfaith marriage offered by CASJE and co-sponsored by eJewishPhilanthropy.
But elsewhere – in the day school world, the federation world, and the Reform world – silence and missed opportunity.
CASJE Panel
Thank you to CASJE, the highly-regarded Collaborative for Applied Studies in Jewish Education, for sponsoring “Jewish–Interfaith Families and the Future of Jewish Life in the United States” with eJewishPhilanthropy on June 11. The last time there was a publicly advertised webinar on this subject was a long time ago.
The 200 people who registered for the program heard from Bruce Phillips and Ted Sasson on recent demographic shifts: Phillips said people with one Jewish parent will outnumber people with two Jewish parents by 2 to 1; Sasson said a high rate of interfaith marriage and a high retention rate (those who identify as Jews) result in a growing population. Keren McGinity spoke about the tenacity of gendered behavior and the need to integrate equal parenting into programming. Rabbi Shena Jaffe explained how Honeymoon Israel is having its deepest impact on partners from different faith backgrounds and those with one Jewish parent. Sophie Mortman described what 18Doors has learned about what drives interfaith family engagement. I encourage you to watch the complete program here, and to see the slides here.
Mortman said that 18Doors hoped to pivot to building a field of professionals, offering training and support, and helping to connect across organizations. In my closing remarks about next steps, which you can view separately here, I encouraged support for that effort, and renewed my call for a concerted effort to engage interfaith families.
But other than the CASJE program, as Bruce Philips said, interfaith marriage seems to have “dropped off the communal radar.”
The Day School World
Prizmah: Center for Jewish Day Schools issued a report, which JTA headlined as “Jewish day school enrollment is rising across denominations.” The increased enrollment was measured in community and Reform day schools, among others. I’m all in favor of day schools for those who chose them. But unless I missed it, the report said nothing at all about interfaith families sending their children to day schools – whether that accounted for any of the increase, or whether efforts have been made to increase representation from that population.
The Federation World
Shortly after the Prizmah study came out, eJP reported “Israeli government, JFNA partner on $66.7 million plan to boost Jewish day schools.” Gary Torgow, Jewish Federations of North America board chair, told eJP, “In recent years, formal Jewish education has become a growing focus for JFNA…. Jewish identity and Jewish education are key to the future of the Jewish people and combating antisemitism.” Torgow said October 7 and antisemitism “awakened something in the Jewish community” about the importance of Jewish education.
But my review of national and local Jewish community studies found that only 22% of interfaith families (compared to 51% of inmarried families) provide any K-12 Jewish education for their children. JFNA hasn’t said anything about any effort to increase that participation.
Around the same time, JFNA released “2026 LGBTQ+ Jewish Engagement Report.” eJP headlined this study as “JFNA survey finds LGBTQ+ Jews want more than just a Pride Shabbat dinner.” It’s a very interesting report, with findings about what LGBTQ+ Jews are looking for and respond to that are applicable to interfaith families as well.
But the report is silent about interfaith identities and relationships. The Executive Summary begins by referring to the post October 7 surge in Jewish engagement among “historically marginalized Jews, including LGBTQ+ Jews, Jews of Color, Jews with disabilities, and financially vulnerable Jews.” When JFNA preliminarily reported on surge data among historically marginalized groups, at the May 2025 Jewish Belonging Summit, it included data on interfaith families. Now they’ve stopped talking about it, not even mentioning it in this report.
The survey instrument shows that JFNA asked about racial and ethnic identity, and the report does talk about issues that LGBTQ+ Jews who are also Jews of color face. But the survey didn’t even ask respondents if they were in interfaith relationships. Bruce Phillips’ analysis of the 2020 Pew data shows that 77% of gay or lesbian Jews, compared to 43% of straight Jews, are in interfaith relationships. Doesn’t that huge intersectionality merit study and comment?
The Reform World
In April I wrote about an eJP essay by a URJ leader that referred to the “multiplicity of diverse Jewish identities” but did not mention diverse faith backgrounds. I said, “The leaders of the Reform movement seem to think that interfaith family inclusion is at the center of its work because it was pioneered by the movement, and that they have been successful at it, so they don’t need to talk about or prioritize doing anything about it.” That was also the case at the May 2026 Re-CHARGING Reform conference, where interfaith family engagement was not on the agenda, as I previously reported.
Now the URJ is holding a biennial in December. In February I submitted a proposal for a program session to be called, “Interfaith Marriage – Where Do We Stand?” with potential speakers including someone from 18Doors, myself, and someone on the URJ staff. This month I was told that my proposed session would not be included. I did not get a specific answer to my follow-up question, “is one of the 65 sessions going to be about interfaith family inclusion? Even in part?” I was told, “Interfaith families are the norm in Reform communities and inclusion of interfaith families is both a topic worthy of its own time and also part of every other conversation. It is fair to say that many sessions will be relevant.”
I am very glad that many interfaith families find welcoming and inclusive Reform congregations. I personally benefited from the movement making that happen, as have so many others. But I can’t agree that the movement doesn’t need to talk about or prioritize doing more about it. As I said in April, “only 13% of interfaith families belong to synagogues. I wouldn’t be satisfied with that level of success.” I agree that “inclusion of interfaith families is … a topic worthy of its own time,” but that discussion apparently will not happen.
* * * * *
All of this leaves me feeling like interfaith family engagement is being erased from the communal discussion, like it doesn’t matter. Over twenty-five years ago when I started InterfaithFamily, I spent a great deal of time debating with Jewish leaders who condemned interfaith marriage. Their policy response was to seek to discourage or reduce interfaith marriage, and not support any programming aimed to engage interfaith families. As a result, over those years, the concerted effort that I believe was necessary did not happen.
Today, thankfully, almost no one outside of the Orthodox world is condemning interfaith marriage. But there’s so much silence about it. And the result of the silence is the same as the result of the condemnation: engaging interfaith families is not prioritized.
In fairness, parts of the community are promising. 18Doors’ Adam Pollack just posted on LinkedIn about a study it is doing with one camp, and other camp partnerships that involve training and helping camps build communities of belonging for mixed-heritage families. But so much more needs to be done.
Learning from Rabbi Matalon, and Rabbi Dreskin
Andy Silow-Carroll had a very interesting interview with Rabbi Rolando Matalon as he retired from Manhattan’s B’nai Jeshurun, “one of the most influential synagogues in American Jewish life.” The congregation decided in 2017 that its clergy could officiate at interfaith weddings despite doing so being forbidden by the Conservative movement’s Rabbinical Assembly, which Rabbi Matalon left in 2018.
Rabbi Matalon’s explanation why he decided to officiate is well worth reading. He then describes his conditions:
If a couple commits to building a Jewish home, raising Jewish children, converting children when necessary through mikveh [ritual immersion] at an early age, and participating in Jewish community, then we would officiate. We would not perform a kiddushin, traditional ceremony, exactly as it had been done, but a modified ceremony. The couple also had to commit to a serious process of learning and engagement with the rabbi over nine months to a year, and at some point explicitly affirm their commitment to a Jewish home and Jewish child-rearing.
Rabbi Matalon is pleased with the decision because it “broadcast that BJ is a welcoming community that wants to engage people rather than push them away. At the same time, we didn’t eliminate standards or expectations altogether. We said: If you’re interested, come and let’s engage seriously.” I have to wonder if this could not be a solution for the Conservative movement as it continues to struggle with this issue.
Coincidentally, I only recently saw this October 2024 piece in which Rabbi Billy Dreskin, a senior Reform rabbi, explains why he changed a position in 2022. Previously, he would not officiate for a Jew and a person who practiced another religion and intended to in their home. Now he will; his explanation is well worth reading. He concludes, “I love Judaism. And I want it to continue to exist. The world needs it to continue to exist. But in this time of schism and toxic dissent, I love love even more so. And while I will always celebrate when two Jews marry, I won’t ever again stand in the way of two human beings promising to love and care for each other forever. In fact, I will respond to their request for officiation with a wholehearted and grateful, ‘Yes!’”
Milwaukee Jewish Community Study
A reminder that interfaith marriage isn’t going away: the Milwaukee Jewish Federation released its 2024-2025 community study, conducted by the Cohen Center at Brandeis. Consistent with our analysis of 26 other local community studies conducted since 2013, people in interfaith relationships feel less of a sense of belonging to the Jewish people or their local Jewish community than inmarried people.
- 42% of intermarrieds (compared to 74% of inmarrieds) feel very much a sense of belonging to the Jewish people (p 61); the respective averages of 26 other communities are 25% and 47%.
- 13% of intermarrieds (compared to 35% of inmarrieds) feel very much a sense of belonging to the Jewish community where they live (p 61); the respective averages of 26 other communities are 6% and 26%.
- 17% of intermarrieds (compared to 35% of inmarrieds) feel very emotionally attached to Israel (a traditional measure of belonging) (p 94); the respective averages of 26 other communities are 20% and 40%.
With respect to Jewish behaviors, 22% of intermarrieds, compared to 49% of inmarrieds, were current members of Jewish congregations (p 47). The study does not report the percentage of intermarrieds compared to inmarrieds who provide Jewish education for their children.
People who participated in programs or were interested in participating were asked about barriers to participation; interestingly, 17% of inmarrieds listed feeling unwelcome as a barrier, higher than the 7% of intermarrieds who did the same (p 70).
The open-ended comments in the study include (p 145):
Synagogues, while being inclusive, still maintain policies related to marrying couples who include both a Jewish and non-Jewish member that are hurtful and tend to push those couples away. This limits synagogue membership and alienates these folks from the greater Jewish community. – male, 75
When I got married, many years ago, my non-Jewish husband was not welcomed into my family’s synagogue. Things have changed, but I think if he had been, we might have raised my children more in the Jewish faith than his[Christian] church. – female, 56
The study conclusions and recommendations include (p 151): “Evidence from both the quantitative findings shared throughout this report and the qualitative findings shared in Chapter 12 revealed that many intermarried individuals and their families feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in Milwaukee Jewish organizations.”
With respect to research, I missed the Cohen Center’s study of Northeast Florida, and the Cohen Center has recently announced that a synthesis of data from all of their 30 local community studies is now available in their Benchmark Report; I’ll comment on these in a future newsletter.
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